You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
