he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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