Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
