I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
