He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
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Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
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I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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