dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
