Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
