she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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