I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
