Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
