We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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