Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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