the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
When are your genitals available?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
