I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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