you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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