he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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