Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
