I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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