I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
