I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
