ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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