dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
