Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She announced her abortion via fbk
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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