he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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