sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize