im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
