Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
