I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
