Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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