my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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