so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
