I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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