I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
