i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
