I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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