My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
