I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just pee around me
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
