So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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