You're completely useless in the revolution.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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