Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
