Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
