eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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