i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
