Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
