i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
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We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
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Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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