OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There's always time for handjobs
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
