i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
