She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
