Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
