Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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