Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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