I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
