you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
