my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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