I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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