You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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