I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
