He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
