Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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