why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
