i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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