but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
