I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
