dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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