I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
